Hey y'all. I started yet another new blog over at http://flybyswritings.blogspot.com. If I know who you are, I'll add you - I'm keeping it private, just because it's my writings. I'll probably mainly just put on there any freewriting that I feel like transferring over to the computer or that I do on the computer in the first place. I envision that all of it will be fiction.
On another note, I am making progress on Jason's quilt. I finished the quilting today, but figured out as I was sewing the binding on that there are a few places (maybe 2-3) where the backing is not big enough, so I will have to piece on a little bit there before I finish sewing the binding on. But after that, I just have to tack it down, and that will be done!
My mom is coming in a few weeks, and I should be all done with that project so I can work on new projects (or old projects like my trees or my stack-n-whack). On another side note, I started hand quilting my winter tree. I haven't really talked about that project on here, so yeah. I am doing a tree in four seasons. I started with the winter, because that one would not involve leaves. I am going to try out different kinds of applique with each tree. So it should be fun. This first one I did a hand applique with batting behind it (but not really trupunto for those quilters out there). It is my first venture into hand quilting, beyond the four stitches I put into my aunt's quilt when I was four years old. It takes a long time, but it does look nice.
Anyway, so I am just getting that list done, and a lot faster than I thought I would. So kudos to me. :)
10 April 2008
09 April 2008
Recycling Bandit
When we first moved into this apartment, I called to see if we could get a recycling bin. We could, but I would have to get the people upstairs to actually call and get it, so if you know me, you know that of course this never happened. So I had recycling piling up. I took the cardboard over to the Tanner building the day I was going out of town to see my grandpa, and just ended up with the rest in my trunk. Luckily there was a recycling place in Rexburg at the Walmart, so I got rid of the rest of it up there. But of course since then, my recycling has just been piling up once more. So one of my benchmarks for my incentives is taking the recycling out (for a place like the living room, where it practically had overtaken the room.
The way I figured I could do this was going out on the day before recycling day and siphoning off my recycling into other people's bins. It all seemed matter-of-fact in my mind when I came up with the idea, but tonight as I executed it, I felt like ~~~The Recycling Bandit~~~. I didn't want to get caught putting my recycling into other people's bins. I didn't stop at houses where the porch light was on. I got nervous every time a car passed me. It was really quite exciting. It reminded me of my freshman year of college again, just doing stupid things, but things that are exciting.
As I was driving home, I was reminded of a time freshman year when me and Amy had stayed 15 minutes past the end of visiting hours! Whoa! We were really breaking the rules! I wrote in my journal that night that I loved that such an innocent thing could be exciting, and that that was the sort of thing I was nervous and excited about. Tonight I felt that same feeling. I mean, I don't really know what I was worried about...someone saying, "Don't use our recycling bin"? I mean come on, the people who have recycling bins are the sort of people who want people to use recycling bins.
On an unrelated note, I am in such a nonfiction mode. This is something I was worried about, because I really want to write fiction too. So, the remedy to that of course is to...write fiction. I just haven't really been writing that much fiction lately, or trying to. Like I had an idea like a week ago for something I wanted to write, and I still haven't. Naturally because it would not earn me any fabric.
I bought most of my fabric today. I could not find either of the blue fabrics, and have not bought any of the blacks. Technically, I should not have bought the orange yet, but Emily and I needed a fun trip to the fabric store.
Anyway, so today I am the recycling bandit. Woot.
The way I figured I could do this was going out on the day before recycling day and siphoning off my recycling into other people's bins. It all seemed matter-of-fact in my mind when I came up with the idea, but tonight as I executed it, I felt like ~~~The Recycling Bandit~~~. I didn't want to get caught putting my recycling into other people's bins. I didn't stop at houses where the porch light was on. I got nervous every time a car passed me. It was really quite exciting. It reminded me of my freshman year of college again, just doing stupid things, but things that are exciting.
As I was driving home, I was reminded of a time freshman year when me and Amy had stayed 15 minutes past the end of visiting hours! Whoa! We were really breaking the rules! I wrote in my journal that night that I loved that such an innocent thing could be exciting, and that that was the sort of thing I was nervous and excited about. Tonight I felt that same feeling. I mean, I don't really know what I was worried about...someone saying, "Don't use our recycling bin"? I mean come on, the people who have recycling bins are the sort of people who want people to use recycling bins.
On an unrelated note, I am in such a nonfiction mode. This is something I was worried about, because I really want to write fiction too. So, the remedy to that of course is to...write fiction. I just haven't really been writing that much fiction lately, or trying to. Like I had an idea like a week ago for something I wanted to write, and I still haven't. Naturally because it would not earn me any fabric.
I bought most of my fabric today. I could not find either of the blue fabrics, and have not bought any of the blacks. Technically, I should not have bought the orange yet, but Emily and I needed a fun trip to the fabric store.
Anyway, so today I am the recycling bandit. Woot.
07 April 2008
Caffeine is Evil
I feel old. As in when I was younger, I could drink a coke or Mountain Dew right before bed and have no trouble falling alseep. I drank a Mountain Dew like 5 hours ago, and I still cannot get to sleep. I have been trying for the last three and a half hours at least. Conclusion: I am not drinking more caffeine.
I am realizing today how much the past influences our lives. And like, it seems sort of obvious, but I don't usually think about the past. But now that I am writing about it, I think about it a lot more. It is just interesting to see the different pieces of life that shape you, and those that you discard.
While I have been trying to sleep, I have been listening to tapes I have. My sister recorded stories for me maybe 11-12 years ago. There are just a few stories, and they are funny and enjoyable. And then I have a whole slew (maybe 5-6) tapes of recordings of my dad telling me stories at night when I first moved in with him in Maryland, about 9 years ago. It is odd remembering my motivation for recording the tapes. I was so happy to be living with my dad, and I loved him a lot, and I was worried that something would happen to him, and I would miss him, and I thought if he died in a car crash or something, I would enjoy listening to the stories. Well, even if he never died in a car crash, I am glad I have the tapes to listen to now. And glad he didn't have to die for me to appreciate them. Although...my grandpa died, and I had a tape of him telling stories, and I have really wanted to listen to it, but I don't know where it is. It might be in my room in Maryland, because it was not in my box of tapes that I have here. So I hope it is there, because I really would like to listen to it. I'm also on the tape counting to 10, and I think I was like 3-4 at the time. So it was cute.
It is fun to remember the past. It is an easy place to travel, because you know where it goes.
I am realizing today how much the past influences our lives. And like, it seems sort of obvious, but I don't usually think about the past. But now that I am writing about it, I think about it a lot more. It is just interesting to see the different pieces of life that shape you, and those that you discard.
While I have been trying to sleep, I have been listening to tapes I have. My sister recorded stories for me maybe 11-12 years ago. There are just a few stories, and they are funny and enjoyable. And then I have a whole slew (maybe 5-6) tapes of recordings of my dad telling me stories at night when I first moved in with him in Maryland, about 9 years ago. It is odd remembering my motivation for recording the tapes. I was so happy to be living with my dad, and I loved him a lot, and I was worried that something would happen to him, and I would miss him, and I thought if he died in a car crash or something, I would enjoy listening to the stories. Well, even if he never died in a car crash, I am glad I have the tapes to listen to now. And glad he didn't have to die for me to appreciate them. Although...my grandpa died, and I had a tape of him telling stories, and I have really wanted to listen to it, but I don't know where it is. It might be in my room in Maryland, because it was not in my box of tapes that I have here. So I hope it is there, because I really would like to listen to it. I'm also on the tape counting to 10, and I think I was like 3-4 at the time. So it was cute.
It is fun to remember the past. It is an easy place to travel, because you know where it goes.
Embarassing Writing
It is weird. While I am in Texas, I am hoping to be able to finish a first draft of my first book, a book setting up the background for how Janardan and I got together. I have written a very short memoirsy-type thing about this particular time of life. Anyway, and I figure I will try and get this book published or self-publish or whatever. Anyway, and I will disperse it to the world. I have these plans for it, but even the minutest details, I closely guard, because I revert back to the 12,13,14-year-old that I was when these events unfolded. I guess I figure the quick like a bandaid method is preferable to telling lots of people over time.
Anyway, and so it makes me less expressive about things going on. Like the progress I am making on research and stuff like that, because I don't want to talk about it, because it is my closely guarded secret. It is embarassing as all get out, but that is not why I am reticent to share. I spent so long guarding my secrets then, that is hard for me to not continue to keep them now.
As in the reason I haven't really written anything the past day or two is because the main things I would want to write about have to do with this stuff. Sometimes I surprise myself. I don't want to write little things on my blog, but I am willing to proclaim my entire story to the whole world. But it also makes sense to me in a way. It would take a lot of explaining for people to understand what the things I would say mean, because I have kept them secret for so long, and so anything short of a book is not enough to tell the story.
I am nervous even to post this post, because admitting that I have a secret or have had is a more appropriate term is weird. I have felt more in touch with my 14-year old self today. And I just think, oh man, that was a hard time. Since I've been married, I've always thought it has been the hardest thing that I have been through, especially the first part of marriage, but there were difficulties I had then that I do not have at all now. I cannot look at my life now and say that my 14-year-old self did not know what difficulties were, for life was difficult then, and life is difficult now.
I guess today I just really felt for myself then, just like admitting how hard a time it was. I think revisiting that time in my life, having this book to help me, will be good for me to understand my own teenagers, just to cut through and see the difficulties they are having, and I know I won't be able to do anything to change them, but I'll be able to validate them, and say yeah -- you really are having a tough time. It is so real.
And so I am somewhat embarassed, but I am also very proud. I am highly proud, that I did it. I got through those years victorious. Those years were great for the manageable pieces of pain--it was then that I came to truly enjoy that.
Life is weird.
Anyway, and so it makes me less expressive about things going on. Like the progress I am making on research and stuff like that, because I don't want to talk about it, because it is my closely guarded secret. It is embarassing as all get out, but that is not why I am reticent to share. I spent so long guarding my secrets then, that is hard for me to not continue to keep them now.
As in the reason I haven't really written anything the past day or two is because the main things I would want to write about have to do with this stuff. Sometimes I surprise myself. I don't want to write little things on my blog, but I am willing to proclaim my entire story to the whole world. But it also makes sense to me in a way. It would take a lot of explaining for people to understand what the things I would say mean, because I have kept them secret for so long, and so anything short of a book is not enough to tell the story.
I am nervous even to post this post, because admitting that I have a secret or have had is a more appropriate term is weird. I have felt more in touch with my 14-year old self today. And I just think, oh man, that was a hard time. Since I've been married, I've always thought it has been the hardest thing that I have been through, especially the first part of marriage, but there were difficulties I had then that I do not have at all now. I cannot look at my life now and say that my 14-year-old self did not know what difficulties were, for life was difficult then, and life is difficult now.
I guess today I just really felt for myself then, just like admitting how hard a time it was. I think revisiting that time in my life, having this book to help me, will be good for me to understand my own teenagers, just to cut through and see the difficulties they are having, and I know I won't be able to do anything to change them, but I'll be able to validate them, and say yeah -- you really are having a tough time. It is so real.
And so I am somewhat embarassed, but I am also very proud. I am highly proud, that I did it. I got through those years victorious. Those years were great for the manageable pieces of pain--it was then that I came to truly enjoy that.
Life is weird.
03 April 2008
The Curse of being a Writer
So I never really understood why whenever I read about writers, they almost always seem to be the type that write late into the night. The past few days I have begun to realize why. Even if I write during the day (or even if I don't), as soon as I lay down to go to sleep, all these ideas start buzzing through my mind - ideas of stories to write, of different ways of writing stories. Tonight I had so much going on that I gave up, and thought I needed to write something before I'll be able to actually go to sleep. So I am hoping that this will help...
The cool thing is all the ideas, how they just keep coming, and I keep on thinking of things from different angles, but this also interferes with the falling asleep process, so that is not so cool. I have really been wanting to wake up earlier. I got little sleep the night before last, and so stayed up all day yesterday with no nap so I could go to bed early and wake up earlier this morning. It worked fairly well, but it would be a waste if it only lasted one day. So I am hoping I can put on a movie and that will keep my mind occupied enough that it will not buzz with ideas, good as they are. I need my SLEEP!
The cool thing is all the ideas, how they just keep coming, and I keep on thinking of things from different angles, but this also interferes with the falling asleep process, so that is not so cool. I have really been wanting to wake up earlier. I got little sleep the night before last, and so stayed up all day yesterday with no nap so I could go to bed early and wake up earlier this morning. It worked fairly well, but it would be a waste if it only lasted one day. So I am hoping I can put on a movie and that will keep my mind occupied enough that it will not buzz with ideas, good as they are. I need my SLEEP!
My Progress
So my kitchen has been going well. I got the last round of dishes out of Janardan's room today, so I should be able to check that one off the list. I have also rounded up the laundry and been slowly putting away the laundry that is on top of the dryer, so I can start the laundry. And...I cleaned Janardan's room! So that is one thing done!
I've also been working on Jason's quilt and my NOYB project. So everything is going pretty well.
I've also been working on Jason's quilt and my NOYB project. So everything is going pretty well.
01 April 2008
Incentives
So, I have my kitchen pretty much clean, and have been making progress in the other areas. Yesterday as I was writing that list, I was like - oh, it's going to take me all the rest of the time to finish that stuff, and I'll be able to start sewing that quilt when I get to Texas. Today I look at that list, and I am like - I am doing pretty well on it - I could probably buy the fabric for the main part of the quilt by the end of the week. Woohoo incentives.
It is so great, because I feel so motivated, and I am actually getting things done, and my kitchen looks so nice and clean.
Some people may think that having incentives is so juvenile, but I say - hey I'd rather have incentives than have to be so self-disciplined. Incentives work for me, so I am happy to use them.
It is so great, because I feel so motivated, and I am actually getting things done, and my kitchen looks so nice and clean.
Some people may think that having incentives is so juvenile, but I say - hey I'd rather have incentives than have to be so self-disciplined. Incentives work for me, so I am happy to use them.
31 March 2008
Rainbow quilt design take 2
So I have decided that I need motivation to get things done. And my motivation is that when i get things done, I get to get fabric for this quilt. I haven't figure out all the details of what things go with which pieces of fabric, but designing the quilt seemed like a good first step. So here is my quilt pattern, which I will be working for!
Later...
Ok, so to keep myself honest, I'm going to post on here my list of things I am doing and how to earn my fabrics.
Red fabric -- Write Blog entry on McCain (with proper research preceding)
Orange fabric -- well this is NOYB
Yellow fabric -- unpack the house
Green fabric -- do all the laundry and put it away
Blue fabric -- get the kitchen clean and all the dishes done
Purple -- get Janardan's room clean
Black 3" border - clean living room
Easy pieces material -- clean up my room
Black 1" border -- finish Jason's quilt
Backing -- pack up the house
Binding -- choose a storage unit and get the car maintenanced
So hopefully I will be able to go and buy this fabric for my quilt before I move!
30 March 2008
I Love Visiting Teaching
It is amazing how the Lord's programs work. Like today, I was not really looking forward to visiting teaching, but thought I should let these ladies do their duty, so I would let them come.
Then they came, and I wanted to show them all my projects, and got all excited about my sewing, and they just invigorated me about my life, just by being mildly interested in me, and just there for the purpose of being there for whatever I wanted them to be there for. So it was great.
I have been feeling kind of unmotivated lately in the writing sphere. Actually, pretty unmotivated in the anything sphere. So it was funny, the thing that got me up out of bed yesterday was not to write or do research for my writing, but to do quilting, and now that I am out and feeling better, I feel more able to write. The Lord truly blesses me in unseen ways.
I guess I just feel like I should be doing stuff to pack up and get my house ready, and so I am not doing that, and I feel like I should doing all this stuff, but if I just need to sew and read, that seems a lot easier, and then a few days of writing. I think if I get myself all excited about these other projects going on, I will have more energy to devote to packing and the like.
But today...I am going to sew. Well and make bread and food and take care of my husband, as usual. :)
PS -- I expanded the use of the smiley today in TSC (an online chatroom of people who go to Janardan's website), and it seemed like it put people in a better mood, and nicer to each other. It was nice. I just kind of said something offhand, and it changed the whole tone of the room. It was nice.
Then they came, and I wanted to show them all my projects, and got all excited about my sewing, and they just invigorated me about my life, just by being mildly interested in me, and just there for the purpose of being there for whatever I wanted them to be there for. So it was great.
I have been feeling kind of unmotivated lately in the writing sphere. Actually, pretty unmotivated in the anything sphere. So it was funny, the thing that got me up out of bed yesterday was not to write or do research for my writing, but to do quilting, and now that I am out and feeling better, I feel more able to write. The Lord truly blesses me in unseen ways.
I guess I just feel like I should be doing stuff to pack up and get my house ready, and so I am not doing that, and I feel like I should doing all this stuff, but if I just need to sew and read, that seems a lot easier, and then a few days of writing. I think if I get myself all excited about these other projects going on, I will have more energy to devote to packing and the like.
But today...I am going to sew. Well and make bread and food and take care of my husband, as usual. :)
PS -- I expanded the use of the smiley today in TSC (an online chatroom of people who go to Janardan's website), and it seemed like it put people in a better mood, and nicer to each other. It was nice. I just kind of said something offhand, and it changed the whole tone of the room. It was nice.
More Bread
So yesterday I was gobbling up the loaf so fast that I decided I needed to make another loaf. So I put some dough together, this time with the right amount of salt. And today I made the bread. It turned out even better this time. I have been cooking it in a pot that doesnt have a super tight fit, and I would like to get a dutch oven pot to do the job right in, but this will be fine for now. I will do that with some of my excess Texas money, because we are living in Janardan's parent's house.
And once again, I yearn for home-made cheese. I did go to the store and buy some cheese, and it is really good. I love a meal of bread and cheese. It is so satifying.
I think I could eat mainly raw foods and then bread and cheese. Fresh bread and yummy cheese is great.
And once again, I yearn for home-made cheese. I did go to the store and buy some cheese, and it is really good. I love a meal of bread and cheese. It is so satifying.
I think I could eat mainly raw foods and then bread and cheese. Fresh bread and yummy cheese is great.
28 March 2008
Yum Bread
So I finally tried it - the magical NY Times no-knead bread, and the verdict is...
It is pretty good.
There are a few things I would do differently next time, like remembering to heat the pan before I put the bread in, and making sure the bread was more covered with coating, and use something like flour or wheat germ instead of cornmeal. I would also use about twice as much salt, except now I just realized that I didn't even use half the amount of salt called for. Oops.
Here is the recipe: (I just copied it from the blog I got it from)
1 1/2 cups warm water
1/4 tsp yeast
1 1/4 tsp salt
3 cups flour
The dough will be very, very sticky and almost runny. Cover the bowl with a plastic lid or saran wrap and let rise for 15-18 hours. Or more. It won't hurt it at all. I usually make mine some time in the afternoon or evening.
The next day, once the dough is full of bubbles on the top (it will look like bubbly pancake batter when it is being cooked), stir it a few times to deflate the bubbles. Sprinkle a generous amount of cornmeal, rolled oats, wheat germ, etc on the towel. Put the towel in a shallow, wide bowl (this helps the ball of dough go up and not just out when it rises). Put the dough on top of the towel, sprinkle with a little more cornmeal to keep it from sticking, and cover with another towel.
Then neglect it for a while: 2-4 hours. I like letting it rise a long time, more than the recommended 2 hours, for extra pouffy-ness.
Put a large cast iron or ceramic dish (one with sides at least 4" tall and that has an oven-proof lid) in the oven at 450. I use a square ceramic dish about 9x9" and 5" tall. Once the dish is nice and hot (give it 20 minutes in the oven), take it out and carefully dump the dough into the dish. Be as gentle as possible so you don't deflate it.
Bake with the cover on for 35 minutes. Take the cover off and bake another 10 minutes.
For mine, I made it whole wheat, so I used 3 cups whole white wheat flour, and it needed additional liquid, so I used 2 1/4 c. water. I know I should have taken a picture, but I was too tempted to just start digging into it right away.
It is times like this that I wish I had some homemade havarti or brie in the fridge to put on my bread. Oh well, storebought will do for now. When I come back from Texas, I am getting a cheesepress and I will start making cheese. Because cheese and bread...ah...that is the food of kings.
It is pretty good.
There are a few things I would do differently next time, like remembering to heat the pan before I put the bread in, and making sure the bread was more covered with coating, and use something like flour or wheat germ instead of cornmeal. I would also use about twice as much salt, except now I just realized that I didn't even use half the amount of salt called for. Oops.
Here is the recipe: (I just copied it from the blog I got it from)
1 1/2 cups warm water
1/4 tsp yeast
1 1/4 tsp salt
3 cups flour
The dough will be very, very sticky and almost runny. Cover the bowl with a plastic lid or saran wrap and let rise for 15-18 hours. Or more. It won't hurt it at all. I usually make mine some time in the afternoon or evening.
The next day, once the dough is full of bubbles on the top (it will look like bubbly pancake batter when it is being cooked), stir it a few times to deflate the bubbles. Sprinkle a generous amount of cornmeal, rolled oats, wheat germ, etc on the towel. Put the towel in a shallow, wide bowl (this helps the ball of dough go up and not just out when it rises). Put the dough on top of the towel, sprinkle with a little more cornmeal to keep it from sticking, and cover with another towel.
Then neglect it for a while: 2-4 hours. I like letting it rise a long time, more than the recommended 2 hours, for extra pouffy-ness.
Put a large cast iron or ceramic dish (one with sides at least 4" tall and that has an oven-proof lid) in the oven at 450. I use a square ceramic dish about 9x9" and 5" tall. Once the dish is nice and hot (give it 20 minutes in the oven), take it out and carefully dump the dough into the dish. Be as gentle as possible so you don't deflate it.
Bake with the cover on for 35 minutes. Take the cover off and bake another 10 minutes.
For mine, I made it whole wheat, so I used 3 cups whole white wheat flour, and it needed additional liquid, so I used 2 1/4 c. water. I know I should have taken a picture, but I was too tempted to just start digging into it right away.
It is times like this that I wish I had some homemade havarti or brie in the fridge to put on my bread. Oh well, storebought will do for now. When I come back from Texas, I am getting a cheesepress and I will start making cheese. Because cheese and bread...ah...that is the food of kings.
25 March 2008
Why I Wanted a Laptop
I have been so long without one that I forgot what it was like to have one. I justified getting this laptop, because it was my graduation, and because I will need a laptop for writing. Today, I decided that no longer is any other justification needed than that it helps my marriage.
This morning I spent a long time on my computer, just kind of doing nothing, watching tv online, etc. I was wondering really why I was doing this instead of doing something more productive, that might make me feel better. Then Janardan woke up, and he was on his computer, and I was so excited to talk to him.
On the computer, we have easier communication, because it doesn't make any physical demands, and he can have the time to think. I am more patient, and he is more talkative. Today as I was talking to him, I realized what I have been missing, more than being able to watch tv in bed, or carry my computer to the bathroom, it has been the easy and open communication that I can have with my husband.
Today I am happy to have a computer so I can talk freely with my husband.
This morning I spent a long time on my computer, just kind of doing nothing, watching tv online, etc. I was wondering really why I was doing this instead of doing something more productive, that might make me feel better. Then Janardan woke up, and he was on his computer, and I was so excited to talk to him.
On the computer, we have easier communication, because it doesn't make any physical demands, and he can have the time to think. I am more patient, and he is more talkative. Today as I was talking to him, I realized what I have been missing, more than being able to watch tv in bed, or carry my computer to the bathroom, it has been the easy and open communication that I can have with my husband.
Today I am happy to have a computer so I can talk freely with my husband.
24 March 2008
New Computer yea~
Yeah so I got my new laptop in the mail today. Yea~ And already I have had a good experience with customer service, so that is postive. The guy was great.
19 March 2008
The Big Give
Ok...so I have been reading the internets, wanting to read that someone thought the same thing about this show, and many people had similar ideas, but I thought I should express my thoughts.
The first episode of this was great...until the judging. There were all of these inspiring stories--they made differences in people's lives, were able to raise lots of money to help these people out, and make dreams come true. And then they were judged on how well they did at making people's dreams come true. This seems counter-intuitive to me, and I saw in the next episode the repercussions from that. The first show, people were much more concerned with how they could help, stars in their eyes with the good they could do. The second show--people had that, but they were also combatting the feelings of worry over being judged unworthy to continue on. They worried about what the judges would think.
This seems like it could be a great feel-good show, just showing these ten people go all around the country, doing lots of good in the world. But, it just has this bitter aftertaste, that the cost of this show is that people have to be sent home, sad that they weren't good enough givers? That does not sound very inspiring to me.
And in this last show, they voted off a girl who was just trying to overcome her problems from previous times, and trying to make peace in her group. But apparently the judges wanted to side with the pushy overbearing woman.
I see how excited these people were on the first episode, to help people, to go out there and make a difference, and that is slowly disappearing. People are concerned about their image, how they will look to the judges, and TRYING to focus on the people they are helping. They are not being swept up into an environment of love and giving, an environment that could affect us all, and inspire us all to be better and give more.
It is just sad to me that a show such as this has to be tainted by the criticism and self-comparison that plagues our world. It is the kind of show that should inspire us to be better, and it may to some respect, but my first desire is to see this show do better to take care of the people they have involved in their project of giving.
The first episode of this was great...until the judging. There were all of these inspiring stories--they made differences in people's lives, were able to raise lots of money to help these people out, and make dreams come true. And then they were judged on how well they did at making people's dreams come true. This seems counter-intuitive to me, and I saw in the next episode the repercussions from that. The first show, people were much more concerned with how they could help, stars in their eyes with the good they could do. The second show--people had that, but they were also combatting the feelings of worry over being judged unworthy to continue on. They worried about what the judges would think.
This seems like it could be a great feel-good show, just showing these ten people go all around the country, doing lots of good in the world. But, it just has this bitter aftertaste, that the cost of this show is that people have to be sent home, sad that they weren't good enough givers? That does not sound very inspiring to me.
And in this last show, they voted off a girl who was just trying to overcome her problems from previous times, and trying to make peace in her group. But apparently the judges wanted to side with the pushy overbearing woman.
I see how excited these people were on the first episode, to help people, to go out there and make a difference, and that is slowly disappearing. People are concerned about their image, how they will look to the judges, and TRYING to focus on the people they are helping. They are not being swept up into an environment of love and giving, an environment that could affect us all, and inspire us all to be better and give more.
It is just sad to me that a show such as this has to be tainted by the criticism and self-comparison that plagues our world. It is the kind of show that should inspire us to be better, and it may to some respect, but my first desire is to see this show do better to take care of the people they have involved in their project of giving.
18 March 2008
A Can Of Chicken Soup
Now this may not look like seven meals to you...
But it does to me.
I have been feeling very unmotivated to cook lately, and the other day I had a craving for funeral potatoes, so I grabbed the one can of cream of chicken soup that I had in my house, and threw together some funeral potatoes. They were yummy. I was happy with my meal, and on Tuesday, I ate the leftovers for breakfast, but was back to feeling unmotivated by food, except for funeral potatoes. I thought I should go to the store, but knew I was not motivated enough to do that.
So I was at Emily's house, and breifly mentioned that I should go and buy a can of cream of chicken soup. A minute late I had a can in my hands, and later that night I was preparing another tray of funeral potatoes. As I made the funeral potatoes, though, I started a pot boiling, and made some pierogies, deciding I could cook up the potatoes later and eat them at a different time.
So this morning I woke up, and fed myself some funeral potatoes, and went off for the day. Then I came home, and started making enchiladas for Janardan, as I decided I would eat funeral potatoes. I also threw some stuff into the crock pot so we could have a late dinner. As I was waiting for the enchiladas to bake, I was trying to remember things I used to make in the crockpot. I started setting things aside, and now have things set aside for four more meals.
The saying goes -- the journey of a 1000 miles begins with one step -- well my journey back into the domain of taking care of myself and my husband began with one can of cream of chicken soup. Thanks Em.
(As a note, it was a Western Family can, not campbells--I tried to find a picture of one online, but after 3 minutes gave up, and was too lazy to take a picture with my camera, so enjoy the picture of campbell's).
So I was at Emily's house, and breifly mentioned that I should go and buy a can of cream of chicken soup. A minute late I had a can in my hands, and later that night I was preparing another tray of funeral potatoes. As I made the funeral potatoes, though, I started a pot boiling, and made some pierogies, deciding I could cook up the potatoes later and eat them at a different time.
So this morning I woke up, and fed myself some funeral potatoes, and went off for the day. Then I came home, and started making enchiladas for Janardan, as I decided I would eat funeral potatoes. I also threw some stuff into the crock pot so we could have a late dinner. As I was waiting for the enchiladas to bake, I was trying to remember things I used to make in the crockpot. I started setting things aside, and now have things set aside for four more meals.
The saying goes -- the journey of a 1000 miles begins with one step -- well my journey back into the domain of taking care of myself and my husband began with one can of cream of chicken soup. Thanks Em.
(As a note, it was a Western Family can, not campbells--I tried to find a picture of one online, but after 3 minutes gave up, and was too lazy to take a picture with my camera, so enjoy the picture of campbell's).
17 March 2008
Joann's is the bane of my existence
So I went to Joann's today, because I had a dream about a summer dress today, and I was like - must find fabric for dress.
So I didn't find fabric for the dress, but I did find a pattern and a dress that I also liked, so I was like - this sounds good. The fabric was $12.99 -- ouch I know, but it was okay, because it was 40% off.
So I was looking back at my ticket after the cutting, and the discount had not been applied. I asked the cutting lady about it, and she said that it was part of the "Spring Metallic" line, not the "All That Glitters" line that was on sale...even though every other piece of fabric around it was in the All that Glitters line, and it is not like it did not glitter - it did! I looked all around the store, to see if I could find any other place it looked like it fit more than under that sign, and it didn't look like it. There were no other fabrics that even looked like it, just a different color.
She asked me if that was okay. I took a moment to decide, and then said, probably not, and relinquished the fabric. I was not going to pay $50 for this dress...not even including the pattern price.
But, I did find some nice fabric for some jeans and a shirt, so that was nice. Plus, I really want to find the stuff to make the dress from my dream. :)
So I didn't find fabric for the dress, but I did find a pattern and a dress that I also liked, so I was like - this sounds good. The fabric was $12.99 -- ouch I know, but it was okay, because it was 40% off.
So I was looking back at my ticket after the cutting, and the discount had not been applied. I asked the cutting lady about it, and she said that it was part of the "Spring Metallic" line, not the "All That Glitters" line that was on sale...even though every other piece of fabric around it was in the All that Glitters line, and it is not like it did not glitter - it did! I looked all around the store, to see if I could find any other place it looked like it fit more than under that sign, and it didn't look like it. There were no other fabrics that even looked like it, just a different color.
She asked me if that was okay. I took a moment to decide, and then said, probably not, and relinquished the fabric. I was not going to pay $50 for this dress...not even including the pattern price.
But, I did find some nice fabric for some jeans and a shirt, so that was nice. Plus, I really want to find the stuff to make the dress from my dream. :)
16 March 2008
It's A Wonderful Life
I usually watch this movie around Christmas, as many people do. Today I just really felt like watching it.
I got news today that a prompting I followed a long time ago really had a great impact in someone's life. It gave me hope that I may actually be able to reach my aspirations.
So as I was watching this movie, I felt like I was George Bailey. I wondered really how much I have done in people's lives, and as I saw all of those great things that he did, I thought of different things that I have done that have impacted people for the better. I guess it made me think about how much my life is worth, how much of a difference I make, especially to those people I love.
I was sobbing by the end, just because these experiences were just what I needed, to feel like I can really make a difference in the world, that my being here has made at least some people's lives better, and trying all my days to make changes in the world for the better, though I may never be as great as I hope to be, I can still preform great works, and there is that possibility for greatness within me.
I feel like the Lord is watching out for me, not just by showing me that other people can receive promptings to help me, but that also I can make a difference to other people, and how that can strengthen and lift me, as I realize my worth, and my ability to bless other people's lives, that it is not fruitless to try, and that even if I don't know the impact I am having, just my living on this earth and being who I am, just trying to be a good person, and love my fellow men, that I will have a good impact.
When Soren was born, I was so impressed by how much his simple little short life had impacted me, how much I loved him, and how much he changed me, just by being in this world. Today I am realizing how much impact I have had, and it just gives me hope that I can continue, and that if I work all my days, I can have even greater impact.
The Lord does not give us our mission in life without giving us the strength and experiences that we need in order to fulfill that mission. Today, the Lord has assured me that I can make a difference, and the choices I make of what I do when I am home all alone, deciding to write instead of something else that those differences matter.
Today, George Bailey is my hero.
I got news today that a prompting I followed a long time ago really had a great impact in someone's life. It gave me hope that I may actually be able to reach my aspirations.
So as I was watching this movie, I felt like I was George Bailey. I wondered really how much I have done in people's lives, and as I saw all of those great things that he did, I thought of different things that I have done that have impacted people for the better. I guess it made me think about how much my life is worth, how much of a difference I make, especially to those people I love.
I was sobbing by the end, just because these experiences were just what I needed, to feel like I can really make a difference in the world, that my being here has made at least some people's lives better, and trying all my days to make changes in the world for the better, though I may never be as great as I hope to be, I can still preform great works, and there is that possibility for greatness within me.
I feel like the Lord is watching out for me, not just by showing me that other people can receive promptings to help me, but that also I can make a difference to other people, and how that can strengthen and lift me, as I realize my worth, and my ability to bless other people's lives, that it is not fruitless to try, and that even if I don't know the impact I am having, just my living on this earth and being who I am, just trying to be a good person, and love my fellow men, that I will have a good impact.
When Soren was born, I was so impressed by how much his simple little short life had impacted me, how much I loved him, and how much he changed me, just by being in this world. Today I am realizing how much impact I have had, and it just gives me hope that I can continue, and that if I work all my days, I can have even greater impact.
The Lord does not give us our mission in life without giving us the strength and experiences that we need in order to fulfill that mission. Today, the Lord has assured me that I can make a difference, and the choices I make of what I do when I am home all alone, deciding to write instead of something else that those differences matter.
Today, George Bailey is my hero.
How God Loves Me
"You are well acquainted with Him, for there is not a soul of you but what has lived in His house and dwelt with Him year after year; and yet you are seeking to become acquainted with Him, when the fact is, you have merely forgotten what you did know" (Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses 4:216).
I was reading this today while I was in sacrament meeting, and it just hit me, how far away I am from my Father, how He longs for me to return to Him, how He loves me, and how I love Him, how much I miss Him. How it is not just me that wishes He could be here and give me a hug -- he wants that too.
Today I remembered a little more of my life before, of what it was like to live with Him, and how He would comfort me, and it eases my soul to know He desires that for me now too, that He wants to show me how much He loves me.
It is amazing, and yet so real.
I was reading this today while I was in sacrament meeting, and it just hit me, how far away I am from my Father, how He longs for me to return to Him, how He loves me, and how I love Him, how much I miss Him. How it is not just me that wishes He could be here and give me a hug -- he wants that too.
Today I remembered a little more of my life before, of what it was like to live with Him, and how He would comfort me, and it eases my soul to know He desires that for me now too, that He wants to show me how much He loves me.
It is amazing, and yet so real.
13 March 2008
Feelings I enjoy
My old roommate and good friend Carolyn loves being happy. It comes natural to think that I like being happy, and I used to think that I like being happy, but I realized last week that I enjoy pain, and not in the masochistic way, well, at least I don't think so. I don't like physical pain in the least, but I enjoy manageable emotional pain.
The unfortunate thing is that just as happiness is fickle, so too is manageable emotional pain. The key word being manageable. Put yourself in too much emotional pain, and it crosses over to depression. Depression is not a feeling I enjoy, and yet one I find myself in more often that I would like. I realize, now, why that happens. It is because I am seeking that emotional pain.
I like being happy too, but I don't desire to be happy all the time. There is a richness that comes in pain that does not come from a life of contentment. In high school, it was easy to get these pain doses. Hormones running wild, liking lots of guys, all the confusion that comes with that, all of it that matters but doesn't matter--perfect for my desire for emotional pain. It's not actually the pain I like, it's that cathartic release, but I can enjoy the pain if I can tell there will be a release. It is when I see no end in sight that I get depressed. (As a note, I am using the term depressed loosely--I am not clinically depressed, I am more just referring to feeling blue for a series of days).
I wonder also if that is part of the reason I was drawn to Janardan as a marriage partner, the potential for emotional pain always being there, without his hurting me necessarily having to be the cause. Obviously that was not the only factor, as there were many others, much more obvious, and reasons I actually based the decision on. Just a musing.
I like to read sad books, books that explore sad concepts. I feel enriched by such experiences. They also tend to paint the beauty into the pain, which is the main reason I enjoy the pain, is because it is beautiful.
I guess thinking about the tree of knowledge of good and evil -- I would partake, just to have the wisdom and beauty that comes from pain. It truly does bring joy. I guess that is the difference to me-- happiness is the everyday contentment, where everything seems to be going well, and you feel good -- joy is the rises and falls, the leaps and the crumbling, all the while seeing the beauty of the experiences. Joy, to me, is the pain and the happiness. It is fuller.
The unfortunate thing is that just as happiness is fickle, so too is manageable emotional pain. The key word being manageable. Put yourself in too much emotional pain, and it crosses over to depression. Depression is not a feeling I enjoy, and yet one I find myself in more often that I would like. I realize, now, why that happens. It is because I am seeking that emotional pain.
I like being happy too, but I don't desire to be happy all the time. There is a richness that comes in pain that does not come from a life of contentment. In high school, it was easy to get these pain doses. Hormones running wild, liking lots of guys, all the confusion that comes with that, all of it that matters but doesn't matter--perfect for my desire for emotional pain. It's not actually the pain I like, it's that cathartic release, but I can enjoy the pain if I can tell there will be a release. It is when I see no end in sight that I get depressed. (As a note, I am using the term depressed loosely--I am not clinically depressed, I am more just referring to feeling blue for a series of days).
I wonder also if that is part of the reason I was drawn to Janardan as a marriage partner, the potential for emotional pain always being there, without his hurting me necessarily having to be the cause. Obviously that was not the only factor, as there were many others, much more obvious, and reasons I actually based the decision on. Just a musing.
I like to read sad books, books that explore sad concepts. I feel enriched by such experiences. They also tend to paint the beauty into the pain, which is the main reason I enjoy the pain, is because it is beautiful.
I guess thinking about the tree of knowledge of good and evil -- I would partake, just to have the wisdom and beauty that comes from pain. It truly does bring joy. I guess that is the difference to me-- happiness is the everyday contentment, where everything seems to be going well, and you feel good -- joy is the rises and falls, the leaps and the crumbling, all the while seeing the beauty of the experiences. Joy, to me, is the pain and the happiness. It is fuller.
08 March 2008
Changes
We are moving to Texas. At the end of April. We're only planning on being there for six months. It is odd. The one thing I am looking forward to is making friends with two people who I missed to make friends with in Provo. They moved out as soon as I moved into my current ward.
I am scared of moving to Texas, of being lonely, and not having a social network there to support me. Our hope is that a clinic down in Texas will be able to help Janardan get healthier, and that the burden of that can fall on his mom instead of me, so it will actually get done.
So, yeah. That's the update.
I am scared of moving to Texas, of being lonely, and not having a social network there to support me. Our hope is that a clinic down in Texas will be able to help Janardan get healthier, and that the burden of that can fall on his mom instead of me, so it will actually get done.
So, yeah. That's the update.
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