So now that I have encountered breadmaking, and all of its many fruits (as in making things besides bread), I have a new skill I am going to try and learn: cheesemaking! I don't know what actually made me first thinking about doing it, but I think it had something to do with havarti and parmesan being so expensive, as far as cheeses go. I'll probably buy the things I need (like starters and rennet) next month. So I will have to content myself with bread for now, but I am excited to start on cheese. All the websites recommend making a cottage cheese first, but as I don't really like cottage cheese, I decided to forgo that step. I've made paneer anyway, which is basically the same process. But I am excited. I'll probably start with mozarella s it doesn't have to age at all, so it will be very instantly gratifying, but I am looking forward to going on to the more exciting cheeses as well.
I also planted my garden this past week. I was talking to my friend, and he said I should plant basil around my tomatoes, so I will probably plant some basil sometime soon outside too, and use that natural bug protection. It was looking like rain today so I haven't watered my garden today, but I may have to, and it keeps on not raining. I am excited about my garden though. The things I want most to grow are my multi-colored peppers. They are so tasty, and also expensive, which is why I don't buy them. So it would be nice to have a steady supply. I am also attempting to grow watermelons and cantaloupe. When I had my garden before, I tried to grow cantaloupe and it didn't grow, so hopefully I will be more successful. I think I should be in general, because this piece of land gets a lot more sun. As in, direct sun all day. So that should be nice for my garden.
I started water aerobics this week. I think I am liking deep water better than shallow water. It's really fun, and exercising helps me have energy, and just feel good, so it's nice to have something I like to do.
My experiment for this weekend, well I guess there are two. I am freezing cinnamon and orange rolls to be baked at a later time. I've done it with pizza dough, but not cinnamon rolls, so we will see how it all works out. Hopefully it will work pretty well. I forgot to add extra yeast. That was a suggestion of a website I read, but I think they should be fine anyway. I also made frostings and put them in the fridge, so Janardan will be able to do it on his own, and not have to eat the frostingless, or try and make frosting. My motivation for the cinnamon rolls - TRANS FATS! The ones we have been eating have trans fats, which I found out a few months ago, so once I started my bread kick, I decided after the pizzas, this was the next thing that needed to be eliminated (I made Janardan frozen pizzas, because the cheap ones he gets have 3 grams! EEK!). My second experiment is not going as well. I am trying to make focaccia bread. It just turns out tasting like pizza dough. What I really need is to try focaccia bread, because now I forget what it is like, so it is really hard to try and make something like it.
Janardan got a job! So that is also happy. Hopefully that will help him. I know working has helped me a lot. Since starting working I have a)gotten a lot better at the piano via practicing b)learned to make bread c)planted a garden d)started exercising regularly. There are probably more things as well, oh like the most important one - been happy! Well that started before working, but you know. Anyway, so I hope it will help him get structure and figure things out more.
Anyway, I should go...punch you in the face! Wahahahaha!
22 April 2007
14 April 2007
Breadmaking and Quilt Displays
So I made my first loaf of home-made, not by machine, bread on Wednesday. It was really quite fulfilling. I am looking forward to baking bread more often, becoming more refined at it, and learning to make many different kinds of bread. I started a sourdough starter yesterday, and today it seems like it is already getting frothy, which is exciting, because I thought it was going to take like a week. I want to try making baguettes, and french bread, because they are some of my favorite types of bread. I do also enjoy a good foccacia, and I'm looking for a good recipe to try out for that. Breadmaking is quite exciting.
Last night was our quarterly enrichment meeting. We were having a Relief Society birthday, the night entitled Ohhh Pioneers. So we gathered a lot of quilts (many came from my home), and had quilts as table cloths, and then also as displays. We also had pioneer pictures. I think the decorations ended up really nice, and put us all in the right mood. My sister commented that I should have taken pictures. I really should have, because some of the quilts were really just stunning, and the displays altogether ended up really nice. It was a really fun night, and very rewarding for me. I am enjoying my calling. Next for me is my desire to start different enrichment groups. I have been contemplating a storytelling group, which I think would be really fun, and might have some interest. I've also contemplated just an informal singing group, just getting together to sing things for fun, kind of like Carolyn and I do. I'd also like to get a sports group together, just to get together and play different sports, though that would require more equipment, and so may be more difficult to plan (more especially a basketball one, but hey).
I've been practicing the piano pretty much everyday, and I usually play for an hour and a half to two hours. I really can't believe how much I didn't want to practice when I was younger, and I think I am beginning to realize why. It was because I really had no purpose in wanting to know the piano. I wanted to take lessons, because in some way I wanted to know how to play the piano, but I really had no reason to know how to play. Now I want to play to accompany myself and others in singing. I want to learn how to sight read so that I can pick up and play things. It is amazing to me, because I can see how much difference just the short bit that I have been playing has made. I feel so much better at sight-reading, particularly different keys. I read on one website that an important aspect of sightreading is learning the scales and chords in each key, but I've found that what really sinks it in for me is just learning a song the normal way with that key signature. Like I am fine with songs with 5 flats, because I am working on a song with 5 flats in it.
Work is fun. I am making friends at work. Calls are slower, which makes the day go by pretty slow, but it gives me time to research things, like substituting honey for sugar, and to talk to my co-workers. The girl who sits closest to me and who I've gotten to know the most has moved up to data entry, and I'm sad that she is gone. There is someone new in her place, and so I'll probably get to know her, but I will miss Megan too.
I want to start exercising, but haven't found people to play basketball with yet. I will still continue my search, but it will probably take some time. In the mean time, and probably then still as well, I want to try water aerobics. Not that I am going to force myself to do it. I just want to try it out, and if I like it, could make it a regular part of my exercise program. If that doesn't work out, I'll probably start walking in the mornings, if I can get myself to bed early enough to be getting up to go on walks in the morning. I just love walking while the sun in rising, being out there in nature; it is so gorgeous.
It's funny how families work. All growing up, it was always about how different I was from my sister, but now that I am not living with her, and we both have our own husbands from their own very different backgrounds, it is amazing how similar we seem. I wonder what other siblings would have been like if we had more. Would they have been as much like us? Like are we just similar as being in the same family, or more similar than is usual in families as well? I guess we'll never know. We are still really different, but just compared to how different we are to our husbands, we are so similar.
I picked up Emily from the airport tonight, and we talked forever into the night. Janardan was going to go to bed shortly after I left for the airport. I came home, and the bedroom light was on, and so I went in there, and he had fallen asleep with the lights on. He always looks so peaceful, and comfortable when he sleeps. So relaxed. I hope one day he'll learn how to carry it into his daytime. He deserves it. It makes such a nice end of the day to come home and see my husband sleeping peacefully.
Last night was our quarterly enrichment meeting. We were having a Relief Society birthday, the night entitled Ohhh Pioneers. So we gathered a lot of quilts (many came from my home), and had quilts as table cloths, and then also as displays. We also had pioneer pictures. I think the decorations ended up really nice, and put us all in the right mood. My sister commented that I should have taken pictures. I really should have, because some of the quilts were really just stunning, and the displays altogether ended up really nice. It was a really fun night, and very rewarding for me. I am enjoying my calling. Next for me is my desire to start different enrichment groups. I have been contemplating a storytelling group, which I think would be really fun, and might have some interest. I've also contemplated just an informal singing group, just getting together to sing things for fun, kind of like Carolyn and I do. I'd also like to get a sports group together, just to get together and play different sports, though that would require more equipment, and so may be more difficult to plan (more especially a basketball one, but hey).
I've been practicing the piano pretty much everyday, and I usually play for an hour and a half to two hours. I really can't believe how much I didn't want to practice when I was younger, and I think I am beginning to realize why. It was because I really had no purpose in wanting to know the piano. I wanted to take lessons, because in some way I wanted to know how to play the piano, but I really had no reason to know how to play. Now I want to play to accompany myself and others in singing. I want to learn how to sight read so that I can pick up and play things. It is amazing to me, because I can see how much difference just the short bit that I have been playing has made. I feel so much better at sight-reading, particularly different keys. I read on one website that an important aspect of sightreading is learning the scales and chords in each key, but I've found that what really sinks it in for me is just learning a song the normal way with that key signature. Like I am fine with songs with 5 flats, because I am working on a song with 5 flats in it.
Work is fun. I am making friends at work. Calls are slower, which makes the day go by pretty slow, but it gives me time to research things, like substituting honey for sugar, and to talk to my co-workers. The girl who sits closest to me and who I've gotten to know the most has moved up to data entry, and I'm sad that she is gone. There is someone new in her place, and so I'll probably get to know her, but I will miss Megan too.
I want to start exercising, but haven't found people to play basketball with yet. I will still continue my search, but it will probably take some time. In the mean time, and probably then still as well, I want to try water aerobics. Not that I am going to force myself to do it. I just want to try it out, and if I like it, could make it a regular part of my exercise program. If that doesn't work out, I'll probably start walking in the mornings, if I can get myself to bed early enough to be getting up to go on walks in the morning. I just love walking while the sun in rising, being out there in nature; it is so gorgeous.
It's funny how families work. All growing up, it was always about how different I was from my sister, but now that I am not living with her, and we both have our own husbands from their own very different backgrounds, it is amazing how similar we seem. I wonder what other siblings would have been like if we had more. Would they have been as much like us? Like are we just similar as being in the same family, or more similar than is usual in families as well? I guess we'll never know. We are still really different, but just compared to how different we are to our husbands, we are so similar.
I picked up Emily from the airport tonight, and we talked forever into the night. Janardan was going to go to bed shortly after I left for the airport. I came home, and the bedroom light was on, and so I went in there, and he had fallen asleep with the lights on. He always looks so peaceful, and comfortable when he sleeps. So relaxed. I hope one day he'll learn how to carry it into his daytime. He deserves it. It makes such a nice end of the day to come home and see my husband sleeping peacefully.
06 April 2007
Life Is Good
There comes a time sometimes when I feel like I can do anything. I like to sing with Carolyn. We are singing now about once a week, but in a year we will probably part ways, and I won't have somebody to play the piano so greatly as she does, so I've decided now is the time to prepare, and learn to play for myself, so that I can still continue to sing when she is gone. Janardan is sleeping during the middle of the day, so I am thinking that I can go and get some piano music from the library, then go up to campus, grab a piano, and start playing. I am really excited about it. I was going to go to bed about an hour ago, but I have just been sitting here thinking about it, looking up music, and just getting excited about it.
And I went to play basketball today, and there was supposed to be a women's group playing, but they weren't there, but there were three men there, so I asked if I could play with them, andwe played and had fun, and I decided I could play with guys still, and so I'm just looking for people to play with, irregardless of their male or femality.
I am working and I am sewing and cooking, singing, and playing the piano. I can do all that stuff and still do the laundry, still clean the dishes, still do the grocery shopping, still take out the trash. And I'm going to garden too. It is amazing how much I am finding I can do now that I have a handle on the things I feel I need to do. And I have full confidence in myself back when I was watching TV all the time. I did what was right. I needed to take care of my emotions and not worry that I wasn't being active. I would when I was ready to, and now I am ready, and going to do it all!
As I was walking home from choir/basketball tonight, I was just having a vision of the kind of mom I could be, and that I probably will be after I adjust to being a mother. The first few years will probably be my worst as a mom. I was just thinking about playing basketball with my sons, and my daughters if they want to. And just playing lots of sports with me, being outside and doing lots of stuff together.
If I got promoted in my job, I think I would take the job and work full-time, if they'd let me work out to still finish up my schooling. I could get benefits and get paid more, and probably have a really fun job that I like even more than the one I have now. I'm really excited about where I am in my life right now.
I really want a son. And not like a baby. I'll be ready for that in a few years when we actually have one, but right now I am excited about having an older son, and one who takes after my dad more than his own dad, lol. I just want a son to play sports with. I'd take a girl who wants to as well. I'd love it if all my kids did. We could have some great 2 on 2 games. So this is kind of my new goal, I suppose. Today when I first started shooting around with these guys, I really sucked. I haven't played for about a year. I want to be good enough that my sons will want to play with me, and not mind having an older lady playing with them, just because their mom is not like the women who could play when they were younger. I want to be able to play always.
I used to get crushes on all the guys that I played basketball with. I think most of all it was the idea that I could play basketball with them forever, because they loved it so much, and so they seemed like good guys to like. I guess I've come to realize that I can love basketball without my husband, that I can brainwash my sons to love it wahahahaha. I guess really more what I realized is that I have to keep on doing what I love to do even if my husband can't do it, because it won't be his fault that I don't, it's mine. He is not trying to give me fibromyalgia too. And sometimes he just needs more time alone, because of the fibro, and so it is doubly good for me to still go out and do the things I love to do. And then one day when he can, I know he will come with me, and we can find the things that we love to do together that involve being active and social.
I will probably have to come to terms with this again when we actually have kids, but I think I've somewhat come to terms with the fact that I will probably be half-single mom and half-married. I will be a completely married wife, but it will be important for me to do a lot of things as a mother, just because Janardan can't do them, like going to the kids games/activities, like working probably, like going outside and exercising together. But at home we'll all be able to play games together. He'll talk to the kids while I make dinner, play with them, take care of them when I need to go off and do stuff. It doesn't make me sad, I guess. Like all the stuff I have to do is the stuff I would want to do anyway, well except working, which I suppose is a big part. Once they're in school, it won't be as bad though. And maybe Janardan will not be so bad that he can work for a while at least while they're young.
I guess what makes me happiest about how I am feeling now is that I think my whole life won't be stress and depression, that I will be able to make a great life for our kids, so that they won't feel deprived at all because their dad is ill, that they get to spend more time with him because of that, and because of that, they get to have a special relationship with me. I think I will probably spike into depression after we have our first child, at least, if not when we have each of our children. But I guess now I just feel like it is something that I know will end. Eventually I will abandon the idea that I need normalcy and will realize that I can do everything that I need to, and I will get to feel like this, and just love being a mom and wife, and a human being, being able to do all that I need to glory the Lord.
I'm having visions of having a baby in a carseat on the stage in a church cultural hall while I play basketball. See I will make it work out. I can still do it all.
I've always been adaptable. It just took me awhile to adapt. But now that I have, and once I do after each life change, life is going to be good, and life is good.
And I went to play basketball today, and there was supposed to be a women's group playing, but they weren't there, but there were three men there, so I asked if I could play with them, andwe played and had fun, and I decided I could play with guys still, and so I'm just looking for people to play with, irregardless of their male or femality.
I am working and I am sewing and cooking, singing, and playing the piano. I can do all that stuff and still do the laundry, still clean the dishes, still do the grocery shopping, still take out the trash. And I'm going to garden too. It is amazing how much I am finding I can do now that I have a handle on the things I feel I need to do. And I have full confidence in myself back when I was watching TV all the time. I did what was right. I needed to take care of my emotions and not worry that I wasn't being active. I would when I was ready to, and now I am ready, and going to do it all!
As I was walking home from choir/basketball tonight, I was just having a vision of the kind of mom I could be, and that I probably will be after I adjust to being a mother. The first few years will probably be my worst as a mom. I was just thinking about playing basketball with my sons, and my daughters if they want to. And just playing lots of sports with me, being outside and doing lots of stuff together.
If I got promoted in my job, I think I would take the job and work full-time, if they'd let me work out to still finish up my schooling. I could get benefits and get paid more, and probably have a really fun job that I like even more than the one I have now. I'm really excited about where I am in my life right now.
I really want a son. And not like a baby. I'll be ready for that in a few years when we actually have one, but right now I am excited about having an older son, and one who takes after my dad more than his own dad, lol. I just want a son to play sports with. I'd take a girl who wants to as well. I'd love it if all my kids did. We could have some great 2 on 2 games. So this is kind of my new goal, I suppose. Today when I first started shooting around with these guys, I really sucked. I haven't played for about a year. I want to be good enough that my sons will want to play with me, and not mind having an older lady playing with them, just because their mom is not like the women who could play when they were younger. I want to be able to play always.
I used to get crushes on all the guys that I played basketball with. I think most of all it was the idea that I could play basketball with them forever, because they loved it so much, and so they seemed like good guys to like. I guess I've come to realize that I can love basketball without my husband, that I can brainwash my sons to love it wahahahaha. I guess really more what I realized is that I have to keep on doing what I love to do even if my husband can't do it, because it won't be his fault that I don't, it's mine. He is not trying to give me fibromyalgia too. And sometimes he just needs more time alone, because of the fibro, and so it is doubly good for me to still go out and do the things I love to do. And then one day when he can, I know he will come with me, and we can find the things that we love to do together that involve being active and social.
I will probably have to come to terms with this again when we actually have kids, but I think I've somewhat come to terms with the fact that I will probably be half-single mom and half-married. I will be a completely married wife, but it will be important for me to do a lot of things as a mother, just because Janardan can't do them, like going to the kids games/activities, like working probably, like going outside and exercising together. But at home we'll all be able to play games together. He'll talk to the kids while I make dinner, play with them, take care of them when I need to go off and do stuff. It doesn't make me sad, I guess. Like all the stuff I have to do is the stuff I would want to do anyway, well except working, which I suppose is a big part. Once they're in school, it won't be as bad though. And maybe Janardan will not be so bad that he can work for a while at least while they're young.
I guess what makes me happiest about how I am feeling now is that I think my whole life won't be stress and depression, that I will be able to make a great life for our kids, so that they won't feel deprived at all because their dad is ill, that they get to spend more time with him because of that, and because of that, they get to have a special relationship with me. I think I will probably spike into depression after we have our first child, at least, if not when we have each of our children. But I guess now I just feel like it is something that I know will end. Eventually I will abandon the idea that I need normalcy and will realize that I can do everything that I need to, and I will get to feel like this, and just love being a mom and wife, and a human being, being able to do all that I need to glory the Lord.
I'm having visions of having a baby in a carseat on the stage in a church cultural hall while I play basketball. See I will make it work out. I can still do it all.
I've always been adaptable. It just took me awhile to adapt. But now that I have, and once I do after each life change, life is going to be good, and life is good.
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