Just so you can share in my glory

Now granted I was playing against bots. But I completely stole the city, not shared. I beat both players by over 150 points. That is sweetness.

New Job Starts Today

So I am already impressing people. Sometimes it is fun to start a new job. Today was my first day, and I was just supposed to learn how to check credit. Only credit. After an hour I realized that if that is all I did today, I would either want to leave very early, or be very bored. So I kept on asking the girls who I will be working with more questions about all the things we are supposed to do, and now I have done all parts of the process. Some girl before she left came by and was like, "She's taking calls on her first day? I think she's like the first person to take calls on her first day." So my moment of pride.

I am hoping to make a good impression here, and hoping it can go places. It seems like a pretty good place to work. I like it. It's pretty simple and straight-forward, but sometimes I am amazed at how impressed people are at you doing a job that should be automatically easy. I'm glad I took this job. I think I'll like it. There was supposed to be extra pay for midnight shifts, but the boss decided not to do that this week because there have been too many errors or something. It seemed really dumb to me, but anyway. He said that would only be until next week, so then I'll start signing up for midnight shifts. And if it doesn't work, oh well. Pay is good as it is.

I think I've realized that what I like is business. Business is very fascinating to me, the different avenues people use to make money. Direct sales, door-to-door, etc. I'm sure this job will get more boring as most jobs that are like this too, but for now it is exciting, and when there is the possibility of advancement, jobs are always more exciting. I am pretty sure that by September, I should have a better position here. Now just to prove that I am worthy of it.

"I think I really need to learn to be more selfless before I get married"

Wisdom from my 16-year old self. I've been thinking a lot lately about why I chose to marry Janardan, not second-guessing it or anything, but just trying to remember everything that makes him different from other people, all those things that convinced me that there was no one else that I would rather marry. The strongest of those is one that I have never forgotten, and it is that I cannot conceive of there being anyone else who Janardan would marry. I am the girl for him. I could have married a variety of different people and ended up happy, but I was the one person who he would marry. That specialness is something I remember every time I ask that question. Today I was reminded of an answer that I had that I have long forgotten.

While I was dating Janardan, most of my family commented on how giving I was toward him, and how that changed me. He is someone who I have seen as so deserving of service that I could not help myself from serving him. I learned to be my own version of selfless. Dating him is what prepared me for marriage. I am still very much selfish, and still have so much more to go, but I was selfless enough to start that journey because I decided that he deserved my service.

He understands me. And while that is still important to me, I realize that what I thought that meant and what it really means are very different. He does understand me. He knows me better than anyone else, and he understands people in general. He loves me more than I can comprehend. But that doesn't always mean that he is understanding. He understands my faults as well as my good aspects, and sometimes it is a brutal slap in the face to be given a reality check instead of comforting words, but he gives me the desire and the belief that I can be better.
The other two are the two things that I was looking for in someone. The first is rather ironic. I knew that he would never leave the church. He is as solid as someone can be, his testimony is sure, and it will be him taking me into eternity, not the other way around. It's ironic because he has gone to church one time since we were married, and that was for about 15-20 minutes. It is not his actions that speak his testimony, it is simply the way he is. The second was I wanted to marry a man who I knew would never leave me. Rooted in me a desire to never get divorced. I need someone who will never leave me, so that any contemplation I have is fleeting. I could never leave him, because then I would leave him truly alone, and nothing that he could do could make me want to consign him to that.

I knew back then that I needed to be more selfless, and I made it enough to be ready to get married. Now I would say to myself: I need to always remember the good my husband brings to me before I can be a better wife. I always always think he should be giving me more, and I resent that he doesn't have more to give, and I always blame him for that. But it is not him, he has much to give in the way of opportunities for service, in great feelings of love, and in examples of strength. He is weak, and yet so strong.

I love my husband, and I am glad I was smart enough to choose him.