Healing

Sometimes life, and especially things going on now, really kicks me down. I felt so bad on Saturday. I just felt angry and bitter and jaded, and defeated, and like, just why why why was this happening.

I feel like the Lord has given me so much as I've been going through all this. There have been so many people who have reached out to me, or been there for me when I needed them.

On Sunday, I went to church and took the sacrament, and in that moment, I felt the ultimate healing of the sacrifice of the greatest person to ever live on this earth. He died for -me-, he suffered for -this-, that I might be healed from it. And I have felt that healing. I feel like a new person. And I don't think that means that my heart is done breaking, but rather that it is done breaking over those things. It has been healed from those things, and it will continue to break, but I know that through the Savior, I can also continue to be healed.

And the difference to how I feel today is night and day. I have so much hope and promise for the future. I was reading this book called "The Lost Boy" by Dave Pelzer (I highly recommend, everyone should read it!). It is about a boy who goes through the foster system, and well, a lot of stuff. The stuff that stuck out to me particularly poignantly was the bits about how he found the love that he could never get from his own mother from his foster moms, and other women he came into contact with through his experience.

I felt so moved by it because I have had an experience that is similar, with a boy named Mark, who has been so transformed by finding the love of a mother from me. It also inspires me, as it gave me an inside view of the future that I have desired, to foster children, and perhaps adopt them. It is this palpable feeling, because I know how it can change lives, and I want that so much for children who so desperately need it.

And all of this joy I feel right now, it comes from the love of the Savior, the love that he has for these children, that I have felt influence and guide me, and his love for me, in healing me, in strengthening me to withstand the storms of life, to stand tall, and to do good.