I am Amazed by my Ability to Doubt Myself

I've been in an off mood today. Just kind of sitting around doing nothing. Not that to physical appearances it looks that much difference from normal. I was at my computer, but just like, doing nothing. I was only half talking to people, with no real depth to my conversation. And I wasn't writing or doing anything else really. And it is easy for me to think that when I feel not up to doing anything, that I am then incapable of doing anything, and also that it is a not just a mood or a momentary thing, but an unalterable aspect of my personality. 

And then it is time for the Relief Society Broadcast, and so I put it on, just because it seemed like I may as well, if I wasn't doing anything else. And the talks are going along, and it is good, and I feel inspired at times, but then am just kind of looking at the clock, wondering when I will be over with my obligation. Then Dieter F. Uchtdorf stands up, and I feel like he could have been talking only to me, not to the other millions of women in the world. He told a nice story about how his wife is always looking for what could be better in her cooking, and it was cute, and I understood what he meant, but then he compared this to how women in general can at times think they are not good enough, and how nothing they do is ever good enough. That put me in tears right away. But then, to hear how he suggests addressing this problem, he talks about our incredible power as daughters of God to create. And here I am, a girl wondering why God wants me writing in the first place, wondering if I will ever be able to finish writing anything, let alone do some great work that will change people's lives, and there it is. We have the ability to create. I have the ability to create. I can put into words a story that contains truth and that touches people's lives. And then he also talked about how creating isn't just with a pen, or with a canvas - that it's in beautiful gardens, and in small acts of service. 

That made me think of things that I've had ideas for doing. Like just a simple little care package idea for people in TSC. And I guess just now I thought how I could probably connect myself more to the blogging world and the people's whose blogs I read by commenting more, and being involved, instead of passive in the process. 

Sometimes I feel so strong in myself, like I could never doubt myself, because I have such a strength in me. But then there are sometimes I feel so weak, like I am fooling myself that I can even do much for the people I love, let alone the world at large. It is so easy to catch myself feeling lonely, because I withdraw myself from other people, and because I want to hide. 

And while I have been writing this, I have been listening to this song, called Yes We Can, using the words from a speech by Barack Obama. I think of that one man, and the influence that he has had on my life, restoring my hope in my country. I think of that, and his unlikely story, and think that, yes, I too can make a difference. 

I am amazed at how well God knows me personally, and blesses me continually. Today, He restored my faith in me.