It is odd for me, because usually I do not have much trouble sleeping, but for the past few days, I have had trouble falling asleep. I think I am impressionable. As in, Janardan's mom always talks about not being able to sleep, and so I wonder if I have more troubles because I am thinking about not sleeping. It reminds me of when I first got married, and used to feel myself getting sick and worry about it more, because Janardan was sick, and I was worried about getting as sick as he was. So I don't know if that is it or something else.
I am also excited about my trip tomorrow, and planning all of the things I want to get done before I need to leave for the airport, which is not helpful for getting to sleep, as I am trying to plan and crunch and figure so I can get everything done. Plus, I am planning on getting up earlier than I have been the past few days, so I want to get to sleep, so I will be rested, but stressing about it doesn't help. I sometimes wonder if moments like this are given to me so that I can understand on a small scale what Janardan's life is like on a large scale everyday.
Tomorrow night will be the first night that I have spent away from Janardan since we were married. I'm going to miss him. I wasn't planning on being away from him this soon (I know it's been a year and a half), but thought that since we are here with his parents, this is pretty much the best opportunity I am going to get to go and do some stuff on my own, because otherwise I would worry about him too much while I was gone, with no one there to take care of him.
I don't know, I feel like I just rushed into the decision, even though I knew what I was deciding, and I am glad I decided it, because I really want to see Stefanie again, and really just want to jumpstart our relationship. We need that time together, and I need her as a friend. So it will be good, but I can't believe that in 12 hours, I will be saying goodbye to my husband, and he will not be close, and I won't be able to go to him whenever I want. It's only a week right? I can do this.
I never wanted to do this before, because I wasn't ready, and I don't know if I am ready now, but I guess I am taking the plunge.
Out there. Into the world. With no husband waiting back at home for me. Ok, well, he is waiting back at home for me. But home is so very far away...
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2 comments:
I can understand the anxiety about leaving your husband- I have to do that later this summer so my parents can see Margaret. Poor McKay.
I'm sure it will all work out, you are cute, as in I was dealing with Lindsey this weekend with her first time away from Dustin and it was only for one night and she could hardly stand it.
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