One Year and Still Goin'

So today was our one year anniversary. One year we've been married. First seven months kinda sucked, more due to fibromyalgia than problems with my husband or me (well at least my husband). Then finally I adjusted to the fibro and things got decent, and then in the past month or so things have been awesome.

Words of wisdom -
Dating someone who is chronically ill is not the same as being married to them.
Marriage is harder than you think it will be, even when you think it will be hard.
Everything is not how you suppose it to be.
Marriage is different for every couple.
It's worth it if you are willing to work through the hurt.
Almost everything comes down to a misunderstanding, or a disappointment that can be shared.

I am not looking forward to the process of turning into "married with kids", as it seems to cause the same process as marriage. Hopefully I've learned stuff to help me, but fortunately that time won't be coming for some time, so I can enjoy the happy married stage for a long time.

Before I got married, I thought I could do it all. After I got married, I thought I was proved wrong, when I felt so depressed I could hardly do anything. Now I realize my limits and don't try to do more than I can, but by and large I can do it all. It just takes getting a system, forming habits, and most of all, not being depressed.

Now when I mean do it all, I mainly mean take care of Janardan and keep our household running smoothly. The Lord has a work for me to do, and it scares me, to inaction at times. I went through being afraid a month ago as well, but then I started doing stuff, and it was good. Well, I'll stop being so cryptic. I am going to write. That will be my long term career. All growing up I never envisioned being anything else but a writer, and then somewhere in my teenage years, I got afraid of it, and so just kind of put it out of my mind. Now that I have come back to wanting to write, I am afraid of what I am supposed to do. I want to write, I love writing, but sometimes it is hard to think greatness exists in yourself, where it is not just following a plan. I had lots of visions for other ways I could do great things in the world, and none of them scared me, but writing scares me. That's why it's taken me a month to even write about it on my blog.

I think what I worry about most of all is never finding those great ideas for stories to write about. I'm worried about writing things that are trite, and worried about things I write being understood a million different ways. I've already written one story, which I'll post on my blog sometime this week. And therein lies my fear. I know I can write things that I think are good. I know that I can write well on assigned topics; in school I have every confidence that teachers will recognize my good writing, but it is not the writing, but the stories that scare me, because the stories I write are me. Falia and Muriel, they are people to me, and their lives and sacrifices matter to me. And so what I am afraid of is baring my soul to the world, for all to see and criticize.

With that said, I do still want people to tell me what they think. Things may be issues with the writing, not the story, and I know that I may not express everything in a way that is understandable, so I definitely want to be aware of those issues. And I would like to know what you all think of the story too. Also, please email responses, as that will be better for us to keep up a dialogue on it -- writecrazy@gmail.com.

Oh what the heck, I'll post it today.